What Will 2012 Hold in Store for Miami?

2012, if you listen to some people, is going to be the end of the world. Of course, those same people swore we were all going to die last May too, so I’m not exactly selling all my worldly possessions.

Assuming we do make it to 2013, and assuming the City of Miami does not implode or get submerged under water before then, I’d like to offer my thoughts on what, exactly, is going to happen in our fair city over the next 12 months.

POLITICS

Mitt Romney will win Florida. And the presidency. And it won’t be close.

Casino Gambling will pass overwhelmingly in the Florida State legislature, despite many of its members still professing “strong Christian Values.”  Even though poll after poll shows most of the state opposes it, the legislature that insists it represents the people does the exact opposite of its will. By “the people,” of course, they mean “the people who run casinos.”

Carlos Gimenez will not be convicted of any felonies, nor be caught up in any scandals involving bribery, sex or corruption. Call me an optimist.

A constitutional amendment requiring anyone who runs for governor to have lived in Florida for at least 25 years be put on the ballot. Informally known as the Rick Scott rule. I think we’ve learned our lesson on that one, right?

Miami Beach will spend the year trying to put marijuana decriminalization on its local ballot. Despite bloggers, tweeters and Facebookers’ overwhelming support, the measure somehow fails by 30 percentage points.

SPORTS

The Miami Heat will win the NBA Title. Savannah Brinson is currently calculating the value of half of an NBA championship ring.

The Marlins will finish with their best record since 2003, but still miss the playoffs. Interest will wane once people realize the Phillies are running away with the division and despite a good team and a fun stadium, the last 2 weeks of the season will see a lot of empty blue seats. That’s called Karma, Samson.

The Hurricanes will be hit with 2 years of bowl bans and losses of 25-30 scholarships. The NCAA insists if the team had at least won a division title in the time it was cheating, the sanctions would have been lighter.

The Dolphins will hire John Gruden as coach, and still go 7-9. It’s called lipstick on a pig, Mr. Ross.

The Panthers will win the Stanley Cup. Nobody in South Florida will notice.

EVENTS

Memorial Day will see a record number of arrests, and still be unbearable for residents. The city’s plan to “crack down” on minor offenses will lead to increased citations and petty arrests, but still leave thousands of undesirables clogging our city’s streets and forcing our locals out of town. Thank God we re-elected Matty Bower or somebody might have actually thought of a creative solution.

The Genting Group will destroy the iconic Miami Herald Building and begin construction on its casino. Traffic on 395 will come to a standstill as Genting and the Port Tunnel simultaneously close lanes, leaving the city’s main arterial so South Beach smaller than a country road from Bronson to Alachua. Genting promises to widen 395 in the future, without disclosing that the “future” is sometime in 2150.

Miami Beach will allow Steve Wynn to put a casino in the convention center. Seeing that Miami is trying to corner the market, and sensing the demise of South Beach, Miami Beach goes against the will of its residents and allows casino gambling in the Beach. A few people protest. But nobody really cares.

Some might say these predictions are bleak. I say they’re fairly realistic. This city has never seen a year where local opinion has won out over outside money. And there’s not reason 2012 should be any different. So good luck, Miami. Let’s hope I’m wrong. Especially about the Heat.

Related Categories: Miami: Local News, About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411. See more articles by Matt Meltzer. See more articles by Matt Meltzer Was This Post Helpful? Please Share It With Others! Tweet

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