Exxxotica 2008 - Best In Show
ABOVE: Pole Dancer in the VIP area of Exxxotica. See porn show photos.
As I went into the VIP entrance of the Exxxotica convention, I was immediately presented with a nice little tote bag full of coupons for free porn and other goodies by a scantily-clad event girl/promoter. This looked promising. And as I eyeballed the bar with it’s short line, I noticed off to the right, in the middle of the room, two dancers gyrating around stripper poles. This looked promising indeed. I made my way to the bar, got a drink (but not before another dancer came up and, with breasts hanging out and nipples covered by pasties, cut to the front of the line to get her own beverage. No problem. She probably needed to warm up more than I did since all of her clothes would’ve fit in my shirt pocket. (Funny side note: a friend of mine who stars in teen porn and attended the convention actually couldn’t get into the VIP area because she was underage. Old enough for anal on film, but not old enough for a cocktail.)
After I downed my beverage, I headed into the convention. And once I passed the pink curtains, I was instantly waist-deep in a world of porn. As I made my way past the barely-clad girls laying all over one another on a queen-size bed, I took in booths of all sorts. It was just like a regular convention only with more dildos. And porn stars. And whips. And latex. There was a stage off in the far corner, featuring screaming orgasm competitions and wet t-shirt contests. And somewhere there in the midst of all of this, was an infamous bus that travels the streets of Miami picking up girls for sex on film. Where to begin?
Most PG-Rated, Family-Friendly Vendor
At the front of the convention as you entered through the main entrance was the most family-friendly booth to be found. Fuzzy Buddy. Selling stuffed animals with little outfits that you can buy for them (each one on display wearing a mini Exxxotica t-shirt), it seemed just a little too tame and I couldn’t really see the porn connection as I eyed the furry animals. I ask the vendor what the connection is; he tells me that girls buy them and guys buy them for their girlfriends. Yes, I get that, but what’s the connection? “Those are stuffed beavers.” Good enough. Carry on.
Also near the front of the hall was a vendor, ThebestSheets.com selling 300-count sheets for $20 each. No glam, no glitz to the booth. Just piles and piles of sheets packaged in those little boxy plastic packages in all shapes and colors. Like the vendor selling stuffed animals, the connection to porn is slim, but it’s enough to make the cut. And practical. What a deal. I could shoot a lot of comfortable porn on 300-count sheets. Or maybe just sleep on them.
Most Appealing to Women
There were two vendors at the convention that, every time I walked by, had nothing but women at them. One was Pink Corset, selling corsets in (anyone guess the color?) pink. Also in other flavors like yellow and blue and really any color. Maybe they should’ve gone with Colorful Corsets as their name. The other vendor pulling in the women was Sensual Silver, selling mostly just silver jewelry, however I did see a couple of whips and leather masks on one of their tables. They weren’t silver.
Most Likely to Know They would Make the List
The Psychic Center was on hand. Again, another vendor who I looked at and thought, “Hm. Porn. Psychic. Porn. Psyschic. What’s up?” When asked the connection, the guy there handed me a little flyer listing their services and immediately pointed to a list of problems they help with: “Sexual”. Upon further investigation, I learned that the Psychic Center also teaches tantric sex in addition to doing couples counseling.
Most Deserted Booth
South Florida Splash on Sunday. No people tending the booth. Nobody curiously looking at the booth. No posters hanging up. Not even chairs. And the two tables laid out had nothing but flyers and business cards for other businesses. And a gum wrapper. I think there was a tumbleweed in the corner. I Googled them, expecting to enter a black-hole but it looks like they’re a swinger’s club. Perhaps they were all in the back. Swinging. Speaking of which….
Best Porn Convention Ride
The Swing. There was a huge swing that hung down from the ceiling, big enough to hold any two of the scores of ever-present and popular party girls/event girls. Event girls would get on the swing frequently and simply glide back and forth through the air. With it being such a long rope to the ceiling, the arc being made was a spread of about 40-50 feet. And always, as the girls would swing, guys with cameras would take pictures. Kind of like a playground except not at all, with the girls on this swing wearing lingerie, fishnets and thigh-high platform boots. This beat out the mechanical bull which was only ridden sporadically. If they were going for Urban Cowboy, the bull didn’t make the cut.
Most Popular Booth At The Show
A tie for this category going to the Girls Gone Wild booth and the Bang Bus booth. Girls Gone Wild had a pretty large spread taking up the equivalent of about four booths. Not that many girls that had presumably gone wild on hand, though. Just stacks and stacks and stacks of DVDS and a cash register for checkout. The Bang Brothers, though, had their infamous bus on hand which attendees could actually step into and have their picture taken. This plain white bus was a huge draw for guys AND girls. (For those who don’t know, the Bang Bus is a bus that drives around Miami picking up random girls who have sex on film for cash. I actually tried the same concept with a Geo Metro, but with less stellar results. Kidding. I had AWESOME results!)
Most Likely To Succeed
Platinum City had to be one of the funniest things to me. Here was a booth that was kind of in the middle so they had tables lining two aisles of the convention floor. On both sides of the aisle were simply tables stacked with porn DVDS and a TV that continually showed hard-core porn. I thought to myself, “There must be something here more than DVD sales.” I walked up and asked the basketball-jersey/gold chains/hat-on-backwards guy what was up. “Talk to the DJ,” he says and points me to the DJ spinning at the back of the booth. The DJ gives me his card. The DJ gives me the card of a porn star they work with. And after a couple more questions, I find out that they are porn distributors. OK. Well, there you go. Just selling some porn. OK.
Best Chance To Get Smacked Around By Your Favorite Dominatrix
Rubber Doll. With her wheel of pain and latex covered body, Rubber Doll continually had fans gathered around her booth, eager to spin her wheel which would leave the fan (having paid $5 to spin) getting spanked or put in the stocks or some other fetish. How she kept from sweating like a pig was beyond me. Head to toe in latex.
Most Porn Stars On Hand At Any Given Time
Hands down, Genesis Magazine gets this award. Throughout the entire weekend, their booth had porn stars on hand signing autographs and taking pictures. And there were always five girls present. It was such an organized big production that they had a roped line set up at all times to guide traffic (even though it wasn’t always full, but most times was). The girls were always friendly, too. Well done.
Best Stage Show
This one was an easy pick: The wet t-shirt contest on Saturday night. Being in the convention center, laws actually prohibit nudity so, as with every girl at the Exxxotica convention, girls were wearing pasties or stickers over their nipples to keep “nudity” out of the arena. That actually worked well at the t-shirt contest, too, up until the first contestant to get doused in spring water decided to turn her butt to the crowd, bend over, and pull her bikini down. After she did this, the host of the event, mic in hand, lightly scolded the girl and said that while everyone would love to see this, that nudity is off-limits. None of the other girls did this. Anyone want to guess which contestant won? Exactly.
Favorite Party Girl/Event Girl
As I mentioned, there were numerous girls walking around the venue, swinging on swings, striking sexual poses on beds (alone or with other girls), dancing in cages, and just walking around taking photos with the crowds. Of them, there were two standout girls: Carolina and Kiara. While all of the girls were very friendly, these two in particular were exceptionally nice. And kinda hot. Ok. Pretty hot. Fine, they were hot. Carolina was actually in the Ms. Exxxotica Competition being held, and although she didn’t win, she won in my book.
Overall, the convention could be covered in about an hour. At night time, the convention was much more lively, much more exciting than during the day. If you wanted to meet porn stars, the convention definitely gave the fan that opportunity. Alternately, if you wanted your teeth whitened, you could get it done there, too. (Seriously. Not one, but two booths doing this.) All-in-all, the convention was just a showcase for vendors and porn stars and the fans that love them. I saw a lot of smiling faces so I have to believe that many of the vendors came away feeling as though the event was a success as did many of the attendees. It nearly brought a tear to my eye, seeing all of that porn in one place.
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