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Are You Really THAT Cold?

January 06, 2010 By Matt Meltzer in Miami: Local News  | 5 Comments


Miamians, we don’t like the cold. Nobody who chooses to call this place home ever bitches about “not getting the four seasons” or dreams of a white Christmas.  Our blood is thin, we don’t own jackets, and we sure as shit didn’t move here for the warm, hospitable people. That’s why a cold day in Miami is lot like a high-maintenance girlfriend who won’t have sex. Why put up with so much crap when you don’t even get to enjoy the best part?

So I understand, empathize and agree when everyone complains about the cold here. I really do. We all feel a little cheated. But honestly folks, let’s put this in perspective. This cold snap is a Spring day in a lot of the country. And yes, though we’re all used to it being a hell of a lot warmer, let’s not act like we don’t know what real cold is either.



A lot of people down here like to pass off their cold aversion as some sort of self-deprecating wimpiness. Like, “Oh, I am such a pussy when it comes to cold. I wear a sweater when it gets below 70.” Sure you do. I’m guessing the real reason you like to put on a sweater is to loudly proclaim that you’re a local, and that this mid-60s sunny day feels like a Midwestern blizzard to you. Am I right?

When you try and tell people you’re freezing in what most people would describe as mild temperatures – especially if you are a northern transplant – what you’re really saying is “Yeah, the weather here is sooooo awesomely warm that we think it’s cold when it’s 60!” Essentially, you are bragging by transparently trying to put yourself down. It’s the weather equivalent of the guy who tells everyone his girlfriend is way too hot to be dating him.



I know it’s irregularly cold this week. The 30s aren’t normal in South Florida. But I think most of us also know that while these temperatures are not exactly beach weather, they’re not really all THAT cold either. A high of 60, no matter how you cut it, isn’t freezing. It’s cool. It’s light jacket and pants weather. And while I’m glad these temperatures give many of you a chance to bust out your seldom-used designer winter gear, it’s also painfully obvious that’s the only reason you’re wearing it: Because this is your only chance to show it off. If you were stuck outside on a sunny, 50-something degree day in Miami in a T-Shirt, you’d probably survive.

So bitch all you want about the cold Miami, I’m with you. But let’s stop pretending like we’re all ACTUALLY cold during the day. That attitude, like so many things in this city, is painfully transparent.

Related Categories: Miami: Local News,

About the Author: Matt Meltzer is a featured columnist at Miami Beach 411.

See more articles by Matt Meltzer.

See more articles by Matt Meltzer

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5 Comments on

"Are You Really THAT Cold?"

Gus says:


“Are You Really THAT Cold?

Yesterday was COLD! The TV was warning us to look out for people freezing to death in their apartments.

Carlos Miller is saying “Hell has frozen over.”

Luluu left her winter clothes at home

Up north, people are prepared for severe cold weather.

We need help down here.

It’s freezing cold!

Posted on 01/10/2010 at 5:48 AM

Jess says:

Yes I really am THAT cold!

You call 30 degrees ‘not that cold’ in the article. After last night, do you still feel the same way?

Posted on 01/10/2010 at 12:48 PM

Gingergal says:

I’m really that cold too! I have to go shopping on Collins and Lincoln today and I’m praying the bus wait isn’t long. In nice weather, I’d walk at least one way.

Posted on 01/10/2010 at 3:14 PM

Jessica Faith says:

Um… eisinglass (?) windows with no heat is all I have to say… I’m definitely feelin’ it.

Posted on 01/10/2010 at 8:49 PM

Matt says:

I’ll give it to you, from Saturday on it has been legitimately THAT cold. This is more aimed at the “I NEED a sweater when it drops below 70” crowd. You know who you are.

I must say though, seeing everyone come into Ted’s in winter coats with gloves and beanies made me feel like I was in Detroit somewhere.

Posted on 01/11/2010 at 2:37 PM

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