A Guy’s Guide to Getting Into Clubs
Before you start stressing out about whether you and your friends will get past the notoriously strict velvet ropes of South Beach, make sure you actually want to get inside. Every club has its night, and although the Florida Room at the Delano may be hot on a Tuesday, it’s closed Sunday and Monday. If you’re looking for the best club on a Thursday or Friday, Mynt is the place to be if you like house music, while you hip hop lovers will enjoy Mansion on these nights. Do your research boys!
After you’ve decided which clubs to visit on your trip, you should determine the one night you really want to party like rockstars. So you’ve decided Saturday at LIV looks like the hottest club for you. If you can afford to, go ahead and splurge on bottle service. Aside from the advantage of skipping the line and being whisked into the club (on most occasions), there’s an even bigger reward: flocks of girls dancing around your table in the hopes of free drinks. If you’re lucky, one of the girls might even hang around long enough for chatting or a drunken make-out session. Sharing vodka and champagne with pretty girls is a no brainer since some clubs require three bottles per four guys.
If bottle service is out of your league, my second piece of advice is to arrive at the club early. I have seen a 50 person line outside of LIV before the club was even open! Make sure you get there no later than 45 minutes after the club opens if you want to get in. If you’re unfortunate to arrive at one of our hottest clubs after 1:30, chances are the club is packed to capacity. So you, your friends, the doorman’s best friend, and even that super hot girl in the Herve Leger bandage dress won’t make it inside. Please direct any objections to the Fire Marshall.
Miami’s clubs hire promoters to bring in a great crowd, and make sure the club is full. Go ahead and enlist the services of one of Miami’s promoters to make your entry process smoother. Although you nailed down the “what night is good at what club research”, you now have to know which promoters work with what clubs. The best way to contact a promoter is to check out their website or find them on Facebook. For the good looking guys, promoters promise to escort you into the club and skip the cover. Show up in pairs, since the worst thing a doorman can see is a group of five guys. Take advantage of a promoter such as Shaun Gold, Tommy Madison, or Michael Capponi. If all the other guys in line look like Calvin Klein models and you don’t, prepare to hear the promoter say, “Sorry, I can’t get you in tonight.”
This is where my tried and tested plan comes into play. Scan the crowd, and if you see a few pretty, scantily clad girls, chat them up and offer to pay their cover if they pretend to be part of your group. If they seem indecisive, throw in a round of drinks as well. Chances are they spent all their money on their designer dress and $35 of free necessities will sound like a sweet deal. The doorman will see the two of you, with three beautiful girls, and the velvet rope will click right open!
If you show up at the club and skipped bottle service, using a promoter, or enlisting the help of pretty girls, just turn around and go home. I’m kidding, there’s one last strategy. If you’re tired of waiting in line and you seem invisible to the doorman, I recommend the $50 dollar handshake. I’ve used this method in NY to get into sold out live band performances. Guess what? It can work in Miami too. Several doormen confirmed this. They advise being very discreet because they’re breaking the rules by doing this and don’t want to lose their job in the process. Practice with a friend and make sure you get it down perfectly before you try it.
What to Wear
Dressing well for your evening out is crucial. Let’s start with what not to wear: the anti-club outfit consists of a navy polo shirt, khaki pants, and penny loafers. Here are several clubby outfits that will make getting in a lot easier:
The “All American” - Dark wash Levi jeans, white or lavender button down, nice black shoes.
The “Sparkly Boy” - Distressed Rock and Republic Jeans, Ed Hardy or Christian Audigier shirt, white or black bowling style sneakers.
The “Euro” - Red jeans, white shirt, black belt, black cowboy style shoes.
The “SoBe Trendy” – Jeans, South Beach inspired button down, black shoes.
What’s a SoBe inspired shirt? Examples are a white shirt with a cool design in velvet on the back or a grey shirt with a graphic design. Instead of going shopping at home, just get one here!
Remember that doormen are people too. As soon as you arrive, make eye contact, and say “How’s it going?” or “How are you doing tonight?” Look like you have no problem waiting in line. After waiting in line for what may feel like forever, you can politely ask, “How long do you think the wait is tonight?” Please no gum chewing, talking loudly on your cell phone, being rowdy, hitting on girls in the crowd, or showing up drunk. Ignore my advice and you’ll be spending your evening at Mango’s. Smile, think positively, and don’t look like you’re standing in line for the electric chair. You’ll be surprised at how terrified some people look waiting in line.
Chances are You Will Get In
The beautiful people make up a small percentage of club goers. If South Beach nightclubs relied only on those people coming, they wouldn’t stay in business- although there are certain exclusive events that the average person may not get into. Show up looking like you put in some effort, respect the doorman, and chances are you will get in. Trust me, I have seen crowds of people in line at Mansion and Rockbar, and they were just regular people. If you’re dressed the part, ordered bottle service, used a promoter, or have a flock of gorgeous girls with you, chances are, you’re going to have a great night drinking and dancing at Miami’s hottest clubs!
Why All the Hassle?
Please don’t whine about all the work you had to go through to get in, while the girls just parted the ropes with a quick flash of a smile. The clubs maintain a high girl to guy ratio for a reason. Clubs pack in the girls to give guys a more pleasurable experience and make that $300 bottle of Ciroc worth every penny. Let’s face it, guys go to clubs to meet girls-and lots of them! Do you really want to spend money on bottle service to hang out with tons of other guys? All your hard work pays off in the end, so sorry guys, you’re not getting any sympathy from me. Oh, and if you see you see me dancing around your table at Mynt, I’ll have a vodka and club soda, with a splash of cranberry.
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