10 Things I Hate About Miami
Hate is a mighty strong word, but I thought jotting down the top 10 things I hate about Miami might help bring me out of this writing lull.
Originally, this was to be called “25 Things I Hate About Miami.” I suppose it’s good news that by the time I reached six, I started running out of steam. I’m sure I’ve missed some pet peeves that others have. Don’t worry. After you read through my list, you can contribute your own in the comments.
1. Streets, roads, traffic & parking - I thought it was best to lump all these together. Otherwise, we’d be here all day. It’s amazing that a city with such a construction boom is doing so little to upgrade the infrastructure. If you drive around Miami you know what I’m saying. It’s good to see that Biscayne Blvd. and Miami Ave. improvements are underway, but what about Downtown Miami, the roads near the Airport, and the Palmetto Expressway. The Palmetto gets so backed up, I think Rick named his site after it. Something needs to be done fast. What good is it to own a million dollar condo if it takes you 2 hours to get home everyday.
2. Poor customer service - It’s no secret the customer service in Miami
3. A lack of reasonably priced restaurants - Okay, I understand that rent in South Beach is expensive, but is it really fair to charge $14 for a martini. And when it becomes acceptable for restaurants in South Beach to charge $100 a person, the restaurants in Aventura and Coral Gables won’t be far behind. Why do restaurants do this? Most feel it’s okay to gouge tourists because they won’t see them again. This is a bad business practice, as well as it alienates their local clientele.
4. It’s so darn flat - What’s there to say. Just look around. It’s flat. It’s really, really flat. There are no mountains or hills. When I first moved here, I thought I saw a hill out near Homestead, but that turned out to be a landfill. Leave the skis and snowboard at home. The highest elevation in the state is only 345 feet.
5. People aren’t so friendly - I’m not sure why. Perhaps it’s a cultural thing. But don’t be surprised if people don’t smile and say hello to you. Yesterday, I was standing in line at Walgreens. I said hello to the lady standing next to me, and she shot me a look like I was a deranged. Perhaps I’m being too sensitive. I’m from California where everyone is touchy feely.
6. All the world’s a stage, except here in Miami - Calling all thespians. Hey kids, let’s put on a show. I miss going to see live theatre, performed in a small space by a group of actors committed to the craft of acting. For some reason, I don’t think the new Performing Arts Center will fill this void.
7. The heat - Let me clarify, when I say the “the heat” I’m talking about the temperature, not the guys who play basketball. If you visit Miami between the months of June and September expect it to be hot. The average temperature during the summer is 89º and the humidity is 61%. So, if you are coming for a visit, make sure you pack the sunscreen and be prepared to sweat.
8. Dude, where are the waves? - It’s so depressing to go to the beach and for the ocean to be as flat as a lake. There is rarely any surf here, and when it does get knee-high, the lineup turns into a zoo. I saw it get good once.
9. There’s no good Mexican food - Yes, there are exceptions: Lime, San Loco, Paquitos, Baja Fresh, but what I long for is a carne asada burrito from Roberto’s. Hey, I just found out that there is a Roberto’s in Hialeah. I’m going there for lunch today.
10. The Homeless - Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate homeless people. But because Florida is the Sunshine State, many people who want to drop out of society come here. Why? Miami is the perfect place to lay on on the beach, drink beer all day, and panhandle from the tourists. Seeing this everyday can take its toll. You start to lose compassion.
Remember, just because there’s 10 things I hate doesn’t mean there’s a lot I love. So on the love side, stay tuned for my “10 Things I Love About Miami” post. Unless we’re struck by a hurricane, I should be posting that next week.
Wait a minute. How could I forget about hurricanes? I hate those too.
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